If At First You Don't Succeed...

It happens every now and again.  A moment of immense clarity.  Almost spiritual in its occurrence.  So it was the other night that it occurred to me very vividly that you have to believe in your own truth.  Above and beyond anything else, you have to believe in your own work ethic and performance standards.  There will always be naysayers and doubters.  People who overvalue their worth and therefore, by necessity, need to undervalue yours.

I was again watching "The Godfather", this time with special commentary from director Frances Ford Coppola.  Hard to believe, but the studio fought him on everything in the making of the film and he says that it was probably the most unpleasant experience of his professional life.  They didn't want him to cast Marlon Brando.  They didn't want him to cast Al Pacino.  Instead the studio wanted either Danny Thomas or Ernest Borgnine in the Vito Corleone role.  The studio hated his choice for musical orchestration.  They second guessed him on practically every major and minor decision.  They even had studio people on the set looking over his shoulder at every single turn.  He feared he was going to be fired at any given moment.   The head of Paramount Pictures famously said "Marlon Brando will never be in this movie!"  And the list goes on.

Yet "The Godfather" turned out to be one of the best movies of all time.  It's in exceptional company with "Citizen Kane" and "Casablanca" as the best 3 movies ever.  What if Frances Ford Coppola had not stuck to his guns and fought for what he believed to be the vision of the movie and Mario Puzo's book?  Could Danny Thomas or Ernest Borgnine really have bought the depth and nuance that Marlon Brando brought to the role?  Who but Al Pacino could have really given that performance as Michael Corleone?

As I watched and listened to Coppola's commentary, I was struck that a man who is regarded as one of the best movie makers of all time, had to fight this hard for his voice to be heard.  I tried to parallel his story to my life.  Are there ways in which I stifle my own creative energy?  Do I believe in myself and my truth as loudly as I need to?  Can I begin to articulate who I really am and what is important to me more clearly?  Because at the end of the day, holding on to what you value to be true for you is the ultimate act of self expression and self love.

Ridin' Solo

"One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do."  Blah.  Blah.  Blah.  If you're a child of the 60's, as I am, you remember the Three Dog Night song "One."  Great song but seriously???  Let me go on the record right now and declare "One is the grooviest number that you'll ever do."  I LOVE the number one...which may come as the ultimate shock to anyone who takes my classes.  One of my favorite things to do is to spend time alone.  ME time is the best time. When I was a little girl, my mom would ask me why I wasn't outside playing.  My response was always the same "I would rather read this book."   In the interest of full disclosure, I am also the girl who wrote the poem "Me, Myself, and I" at twelve years old. 

I love ridin' solo so much that I devote whole days to it.  And at least one night a week, I take myself out to dinner.  On these nights, you can typically find me at one of my vegan staples: Candle Cafe, Cafe Blossom, Pure Food & Wine or Angelica's Kitchen.  I love, love, LOVE everything about the experience.  Arriving alone.  "Yes, table for one please."  I always get an appetizer and most of the time a chocolate dessert.  Solitude alas in this often noisy and chaotic city.  I don't have to coordinate my schedule with anyone: I don't have to make small talk. Heck I don't have to talk at all.  Lately I've added the singular glass of organic Sauvignon Blanc to the experience.  Perfection!!!

I'm practically giddy with excitement on my solo excursions.  I go to the movies solo.  I go to concerts solo.  In fact, over the last couple of years, I've seen both Prince and Tina Turner all by myself.  My friends always say the same thing when they find out about my solo outings.  "I would have gone with you."  Secretly I know that I don't want any company.   The delicious truth is I haven't changed that much since I was a little girl.  I was my own best company then and I'm my own best company now.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to spend time with the special people in my life. But the most special person in my life is ME which makes ridin' solo so much fun! 

1984

This all started out seemingly at random.  I had gained a bit of weight in college.  My boyfriend at the time who was a major marathon runner really changed my life.  "I love you no matter what size you are" he said "but I know you're not happy as you are."  WOW.  An Oprah moment pre Oprah.  Something about what he said and how he said it touched me deeply.  Never a distance runner and always a sprinter, this is how I started distance and endurance training.  The year was 1984.  I also joined the gym next to my apartment complex and started taking aerobics classes and fell in LOVE with high impact aerobics!!!  My favorite instructor was Vicki, a gorgeous, tall, blond woman with a body that I thought I would get only if I were really good in this lifetime and there was a do over via reincarnation.  I had been taking Vicki's classes for a few months and running with my boyfriend and eating in a mindful way when Vicki asked to speak to me after class.

She had noticed the weight loss, I thought, and wanted to congratulate me on that.  Not really.  She told me she was the Aerobics Director at the club and wanted to offer me a job teaching classes.  I broke out in a laugh and told her that I could not possibly do that.  She said "you're obviously an instructor, so why not teach here. " I told her that I was not an instructor and would have absolutely no idea how to teach a class.  And then Vicki said to me the words that changed my life.  "You're extremely talented and I will teach you everything that you need to know."

Fast forward 27 years later and I still think back to all that my ex boyfriend and Vicki gave me in 1984.  How unbelievably fantastic to have people who believe in you and can in a moment change the course and direction of your life!  I was in the locker room at Equinox a few days ago and I heard my name and looked up and locked eyes with a former student of mine from New York Sports Clubs.  We hugged and I was so happy to see her!  I've always felt a special connection to everyone who take my classes and had not seen her in 10 years.   "Taking your classes changed my life," she said.  And in that moment it reaffirmed to me that I am truly doing what I was intended to do.

There are no accidents in life.  I am here at this moment and in this place to make a difference.  That really is the magic of life.  That at any moment something we do can be life altering to someone else and to ourselves.  That we have the capability with our actions and words to truly transform and uplift and enlighten.  My eternal gratitude and love goes to Vicki Staples.  Thank you so much Vicki for changing my life!

There's no "I" in classes...but there are 3 of them in elliptical machine!

Let me just get this off my chest right NOW!  There is no worse annoyance to the Group Exercise instructor than members who come to class and do their own thing.  It is rude, inconsiderate, self- centered, arrogant, disruptive and just plain old annoying.  The very definition of Group Exercise is working together as a GROUP and following the instructor's routine.  I often wonder why these people just don't just go and work out on their own.  Elliptical anyone???  Then it occurred to me that those individuals are part of a larger societal problem.  Gone are the days when "We" was a collective part of our vocabulary.  "We" has been replaced by "I" and "Me".  What "I" want, what is best for "Me".  F*** my fellow man and to hell with what is in the best interest of anyone but "Me".  It's all about "Me"!!!  Look at "Me".  I'm sure reality TV has only helped perpetuate the narcissism.  I was teaching class this morning and EVERYONE in class was listening, following and contributing to the GROUP dynamic.  Such an AMAZING experience for me and everyone in the room.  It occurred to me that I should savor the moment because it rarely happens anymore in a class.  Where everyone gets why we're there.  Where everyone is contributing to the GROUP energy.  Where EVERYONE recognizes that "WE" is so much more powerful a word than 'I".

Balance

Probably the question I get the most often is "What do you eat?"  The truth of the matter is it does not really matter to you what I eat.  I don't hold any secrets about nutrition and healthy eating.  If you would like to work with someone on nutrition, then I would recommend a nutritionist.  I know for me, I keep it simple.  If it does not come from the earth, then I don't eat it but that probably is not something that would necessarily work for you.  We are prone to want to find shortcuts to everything and the real truth is that there is no shortcut to healthy eating or a balanced exercise program.  Most of us really know what it means to make healthy choices but we look outside of ourselves for a quick way to get in that bikini, or wedding dress or lose 10 pounds by the High School Reunion.  Which brings me to "Balance."  Is there a way for you to make peace with how you are eating and how much exercising you do?  Is there a way for you to find Balance in those two areas of your life?  I do know for me that when I am in Balance, everything else just flows effortlessly.  Balance does take some work...but let the work begin! 

Gratitude

It was going to happen today because it needed to happen today.  As much as I needed air, I needed to go for a run.  I hadn't attempted to since my back spasm on 11/17.  And so I put on my ultra wind resistant 20 degree gear and headed out the door, not quite sure what would happen.  But just then, my feet hit the pavement and I felt so incredibly alive.   More alive than I'd felt in the last few months.  No iPod.  Just me.  One foot in front of the other.  The perfect sound of my even breaths almost hypnotizing me with each step.  Perfectly beautiful, perfectly in the moment, perfectly necessary!  This is my peace, my sanity, my love.  All is right in the world.  Perfectly alone in my thoughts.  Running without ego, competition, a stop watch.  Running out of beauty and necessity.  Running out of love and appreciation.  Running out of gratitude.  Grateful for the power and the beauty of movement.  Grateful to be living life to it's fullest in this moment.

Purple Reign

Most of you already know that I LOVE me some Prince.  Always have since "I Wanna Be Your Lover".  I've appreciated his musical genius...his raw talent as a singer, songwriter, and as one of the most talented guitar players ever...up there with Clapton, Slash, Jimi.  So YES, I was super excited to see him a few weeks ago at Madison Square Garden.  I first saw him in 1985 on his "Purple Rain" tour.  This time around in 2010, Prince was still electrifying, supremely talented and utterly AMAZING.  No longer outrageous, this was PG rated Prince.  Maybe even G rated Prince.  Why was I secretly longing for this Prince to do something outrageous?  "Sexy M.F." anyone???  Couldn't he just hump the stage once for old time sake?  I left feeling nostalgic for things past.  Then it occurred to me that both Prince and I were almost 26 years older.  He had changed and so had I.  Gone were the super short mini skirt, fishnet stockings and spike heels that I wore to the first Prince concert.  No.  This Loi was more conservative, older, more subdued, just like Prince.  But he had managed to navigate a brilliant career, a purple reign, that spans 3 decades while constantly reinventing what he does and how he does it.  It also occurred to me that coincidentally 8 months prior to that ealier Prince concert, I had taught my first Group Exercise class.  And like Prince, I'm still at it all these years later trying to figure out how to stay continually fresh, relevant and continue my own purple reign.  This blog is my first step in putting a voice to all that I have been and all that I am becoming.  I'm excited about this next chapter of my more mature self.  And really excited to be sharing this with you.  Here's to reinvention!