Expectations can be a tricky thing. So on Day 20, I am so exhausted from another full day of teaching my own classes...the Bikram Yoga studio is probably the last place I want to be. My last class has just ended. It's 8:30pm. The torrential downpour that's happening outside is not making this any easier. But oddly, I'm looking forward to the 9:45pm class. This is definitely a case of mind over body.
I decide that the only way I am going to be able to have a productive class is to have no expectations. To take it as it comes. I also decide that I need to operate from a place of least effort. To be so relaxed in the poses, that it requires me to practice with as much energy conservation as possible. The first 10 minutes of class are brutal. I have nothing to give physically. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired!!!
But then my body starts to come alive. It is so used to the daily practice that habitually it knows what to do and where to go. I also don't have as many thoughts about anything tonight. I'm too tired to analyze which is turning out to be a good thing. I just go with the flow: a lesson I really could use in my own life.
I feel 100% better at the end of class. Somehow I've squeezed out day 20 managing my expectations on the mat. Way harder to manage my expectations off the mat but working on that one day at a time...
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Bikram Yoga 30 Day Challenge--Day 19: Tuesday, 12/6/11
Aaaah! Finally home. Taught 8 classes. Squeezed the yoga in. Exhausted!!! Quick Blog today y'all. After 3 amazing days... back to the struggle of the hot room today. Not a great class for me tonight but a really good one. I will take that on Day 19! I'm super thrilled to have made it happen today and looking forward to just relaxing for a quick minute with a well earned glass of wine and a quick dinner. Some days The Challenge is just to show up and put in the work. My body is definitely saying "Thank You" right now. Thank You for taking care of me tonight. Namaste....
Monday, December 5, 2011
Bikram Yoga 30 Day Challenge--Day 18: Monday, 12/5/11
I have to admit that I've never really understood why many of my super packed classes make people anxious. What's the big deal? Until it happens to me. Tonight's 7:30pm Bikram Yoga class on Day 18 of The Challenge. My original plan was to go to the 2pm class but decided against that as I had just given every last ounce of energy in my 12:30pm Cycling class and needed an afternoon break before the yoga. In all honesty, teaching packed classes works for me. Lots of energy. I LOVE a packed class!
In a Bikram Yoga situation...not so much. Sweaty people TOOCLOSETOME is making me very anxious. But then I remember that I have a game plan tonight. There are many things I can't control and this would be another one of them. I am going to get back to my original mindset and use this opportunity to be super focused and disciplined in my practice tonight. As close to zero distractions as I can with minimal wiping, water breaks, fixing my mat. Whatever. Tonight is the time to practice self control. What better way to do that than in a room full of sweaty people packed together like sardines?
And so class begins and I let nothing distract me from my focus on me, the breath, the instructor and the practice. For the first time ever, I only take one water break during the first hour of class. In the interest of full disclosure, I have done what I should today. I have properly hydrated all day long which cuts down the need for the extra water. But more importantly, I decide that I am not going to use the water as a way to disconnect from the practice. I do not fidget. I do not fix my mat even though it's wrinkling and it's kind of driving my idea of order crazy. I simply let it go.
Everything is working for me and then we're on the ground for the floor sequence which is the last 30 minutes of the 90 minute class. Suddenly the girl to my right who is THISCLOSETOME keeps looking the wrong way and directly at me. She's driving me crazeee! After a mini internal meltdown, I ignore her and realize that
I need to get back to myself and my practice. And back I am. I finish class feeling the best ever!!!!
The instructor Georgia and I are talking after class. She points out to me that packed classes are actually better for your yoga practice because it teaches you focus. She says that when there are so many people in a class, it cuts down on one's need to look around and become easily distracted. You have to limit your field of vision. This is why I LOVE LOVE LOVE Georgia! Right she is!
It is in fact easier to focus internally when we are forced into a scenario where we have no choice. More importantly, however, is that it teaches me that when there's chaos in my real world I need to do the same! Focus. Internalize. Connect To Self and Breath. It doesn't make me want to go back to a super crowded class anytime soon. But now I need to see if I can bring that same level of focus and discipline to my next class. Stay tuned!
In a Bikram Yoga situation...not so much. Sweaty people TOOCLOSETOME is making me very anxious. But then I remember that I have a game plan tonight. There are many things I can't control and this would be another one of them. I am going to get back to my original mindset and use this opportunity to be super focused and disciplined in my practice tonight. As close to zero distractions as I can with minimal wiping, water breaks, fixing my mat. Whatever. Tonight is the time to practice self control. What better way to do that than in a room full of sweaty people packed together like sardines?
And so class begins and I let nothing distract me from my focus on me, the breath, the instructor and the practice. For the first time ever, I only take one water break during the first hour of class. In the interest of full disclosure, I have done what I should today. I have properly hydrated all day long which cuts down the need for the extra water. But more importantly, I decide that I am not going to use the water as a way to disconnect from the practice. I do not fidget. I do not fix my mat even though it's wrinkling and it's kind of driving my idea of order crazy. I simply let it go.
Everything is working for me and then we're on the ground for the floor sequence which is the last 30 minutes of the 90 minute class. Suddenly the girl to my right who is THISCLOSETOME keeps looking the wrong way and directly at me. She's driving me crazeee! After a mini internal meltdown, I ignore her and realize that
I need to get back to myself and my practice. And back I am. I finish class feeling the best ever!!!!
The instructor Georgia and I are talking after class. She points out to me that packed classes are actually better for your yoga practice because it teaches you focus. She says that when there are so many people in a class, it cuts down on one's need to look around and become easily distracted. You have to limit your field of vision. This is why I LOVE LOVE LOVE Georgia! Right she is!
It is in fact easier to focus internally when we are forced into a scenario where we have no choice. More importantly, however, is that it teaches me that when there's chaos in my real world I need to do the same! Focus. Internalize. Connect To Self and Breath. It doesn't make me want to go back to a super crowded class anytime soon. But now I need to see if I can bring that same level of focus and discipline to my next class. Stay tuned!
Bikram Yoga 30 Day Challenge--Day 17: Sunday, 12/4/11
It's safe to say that I don't recall this ever happening before. On Day 17, I'm given another great gift. Another amazing class! I generally do not have 2 great workout days in a row so I'm extremely grateful for this moment as a start to the week.
Let's be clear. Class is still a struggle and it's still hard work. But today again I am managing the struggle with greater ease, patience and discipline. And then it happens. I'm a girl who prides myself on being ultra prepared for anything yet I somehow run out of water in class with 40 minutes to go. At first, I panic. Then I decide that I need to let it go. It will somehow be okay. You know what? It was more than okay. I finished class even better without the distraction of the water breaks I would normally take. I make a mental observation.
What in class is really based on what I want versus what I need? Obviously I need to drink water but how much of my water drinking is a break from the practice and a learned distraction? In what other ways are my wants getting in the way of what I truly need? This thought resonates so much with me that I take the entire night after class is over to ponder this. How can I begin to make more choices from a place of need instead of want? I decide to try it one day at a time. So as I'm going through my day today, I'm doing it more consciously. Deliberately asking myself " is this something that I merely want to do or is it something that I need to do?"
Let's be clear. Class is still a struggle and it's still hard work. But today again I am managing the struggle with greater ease, patience and discipline. And then it happens. I'm a girl who prides myself on being ultra prepared for anything yet I somehow run out of water in class with 40 minutes to go. At first, I panic. Then I decide that I need to let it go. It will somehow be okay. You know what? It was more than okay. I finished class even better without the distraction of the water breaks I would normally take. I make a mental observation.
What in class is really based on what I want versus what I need? Obviously I need to drink water but how much of my water drinking is a break from the practice and a learned distraction? In what other ways are my wants getting in the way of what I truly need? This thought resonates so much with me that I take the entire night after class is over to ponder this. How can I begin to make more choices from a place of need instead of want? I decide to try it one day at a time. So as I'm going through my day today, I'm doing it more consciously. Deliberately asking myself " is this something that I merely want to do or is it something that I need to do?"
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Bikram Yoga 30 Day Challenge--Day 16: 12/3/11
Sometimes it just happens. Not all the time. But every now and again, everything flows and happens easily. And so it was the case tonight. I try to really savor this when it happens. Day 16 in and things are starting to fit together nicely.
I notice while I'm sitting on the train today that I am naturally sitting up with great posture. For someone like me who spends a good portion of the day and week in the unforgiving cycling posture, this is a welcome fringe benefit of all the yoga. I do miss running though but something has to give temporarily in this 30 day pursuit. My body actually feels really great. More open. No aches. My hamstrings are noticeable tighter this week but that's probably from those deadlifts in class this week.
Saturdays is my one day off. I'm pretty sure that's why the yoga flows on Saturdays. My mind is clear and my schedule is clear. The only physical thing I have to focus on is yoga. It's the perfect place to be for someone like me who makes her living working at such a demanding physical level. I am so grateful for Saturdays. I have a deep appreciation for a day like today..
The truth is that all the days so far that have been a struggle have paved the way for this one day. I delight in this moment and savor it completely. I'm not quite sure how soon this will happen again. Honestly, I would not want it to happen again too soon. It's way more delicious if it happens as a reward for the hard work. We cannot really appreciate the light if there were no darkness. It is the contrast of experience that makes life such an extraordinary journey.
I notice while I'm sitting on the train today that I am naturally sitting up with great posture. For someone like me who spends a good portion of the day and week in the unforgiving cycling posture, this is a welcome fringe benefit of all the yoga. I do miss running though but something has to give temporarily in this 30 day pursuit. My body actually feels really great. More open. No aches. My hamstrings are noticeable tighter this week but that's probably from those deadlifts in class this week.
Saturdays is my one day off. I'm pretty sure that's why the yoga flows on Saturdays. My mind is clear and my schedule is clear. The only physical thing I have to focus on is yoga. It's the perfect place to be for someone like me who makes her living working at such a demanding physical level. I am so grateful for Saturdays. I have a deep appreciation for a day like today..
The truth is that all the days so far that have been a struggle have paved the way for this one day. I delight in this moment and savor it completely. I'm not quite sure how soon this will happen again. Honestly, I would not want it to happen again too soon. It's way more delicious if it happens as a reward for the hard work. We cannot really appreciate the light if there were no darkness. It is the contrast of experience that makes life such an extraordinary journey.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Bikram Yoga 30 Day Challenge--Day 15: Friday, 12/2/11
How long does it take to form a habit? They say anywhere from 21-28 days. So at Day 15, I am well on my way. It feels really good to be at the half way point!!!
There an old Buddhist saying. Something like "there's nothing good nor bad but thinking makes it so." Or maybe that was Shakespeare? It occurs to me today as I am in class for the 3rd time with my least favorite instructor that this is the Universe's way of teaching me tolerance, patience, and acceptance. That works for about 15 minutes and then I'm back where I started. I recognize though that I am a work in progress and this too will take time. If I can conquer those three things on the mat, I know that it will open up areas in my personal life as well.
I still am somewhat amazed at how each class is a reflection of who I am and where I am. Neither good nor bad. Just an observation. No judgement. Just self awareness. An awareness of what things I need to work on. Because the truth of the matter is that it is never about the other person. The other person exists to show us a mirror of who we really are. What pushes our buttons and why. Questions for me to work on as The 30 Day Challenge continues...
There an old Buddhist saying. Something like "there's nothing good nor bad but thinking makes it so." Or maybe that was Shakespeare? It occurs to me today as I am in class for the 3rd time with my least favorite instructor that this is the Universe's way of teaching me tolerance, patience, and acceptance. That works for about 15 minutes and then I'm back where I started. I recognize though that I am a work in progress and this too will take time. If I can conquer those three things on the mat, I know that it will open up areas in my personal life as well.
I still am somewhat amazed at how each class is a reflection of who I am and where I am. Neither good nor bad. Just an observation. No judgement. Just self awareness. An awareness of what things I need to work on. Because the truth of the matter is that it is never about the other person. The other person exists to show us a mirror of who we really are. What pushes our buttons and why. Questions for me to work on as The 30 Day Challenge continues...
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Bikram Yoga 30 Day Challenge--Day 14: 12/1/11
YES!!! Day 14. Two things happen today that I love. First, I'm done teaching at 1:30pm and second, my favorite Bikram Yoga teacher has a 2pm class down the street. Let me be very real. I'm exhausted. It's been a long week. The largest part of me wants to procrastinate and do the 8pm class. Luckily the other part of me realizes that if I get this done now, the rest of the day belongs to me and only me. So I head to the hot yoga studio.
And there's Georgia. I've talked about her before in my blog. This woman is a master. Amazing person. Amazing instructor. She commands your attention in a way that always brings out the best in everyone. Once I see her, I know that this will be another special experience. The midday classes are always fun at the midtown studio because it's always sprinkled with some Broadway dancers and other performers with freakish flexibility. It adds an extra element of excitement, focus and discipline to the workout. I count 4 guys with amazing bodies. A little eye candy doesn't hurt when you're in a 105 degree room for 90 minutes of semi torture.
I notice right away that everything about me is calmer. Knowing you're in great hands does have that effect I think. But almost at the midway point of the challenge, I'm learning the simple act of acceptance. It is what it is at any moment in a class like this. So instead fighting it, I go with the flow. I've been working on staying present, staying focused, finding the breath and letting go and seeing where the practice takes me with no expectations.
About half way through class, Georgia starts to discuss how our body is only a vessel for our Soul. "Everything changes" she says. "Only the Soul remains the same." Yoga practice is a way to clear away the cobwebs so that we can have greater clarity into who we really are.
Living in a city that is as energy consuming as New York and moving at the frenetic pace of my daily life had definitely taken its toll. How could I have lost the most important connection to who I am? But then I realize that it doesn't really matter how it happened. The past is the past. Everything around us does change. How willing am I to change? I do know this for sure. Change is so much easier when you have clarity.
And there's Georgia. I've talked about her before in my blog. This woman is a master. Amazing person. Amazing instructor. She commands your attention in a way that always brings out the best in everyone. Once I see her, I know that this will be another special experience. The midday classes are always fun at the midtown studio because it's always sprinkled with some Broadway dancers and other performers with freakish flexibility. It adds an extra element of excitement, focus and discipline to the workout. I count 4 guys with amazing bodies. A little eye candy doesn't hurt when you're in a 105 degree room for 90 minutes of semi torture.
I notice right away that everything about me is calmer. Knowing you're in great hands does have that effect I think. But almost at the midway point of the challenge, I'm learning the simple act of acceptance. It is what it is at any moment in a class like this. So instead fighting it, I go with the flow. I've been working on staying present, staying focused, finding the breath and letting go and seeing where the practice takes me with no expectations.
About half way through class, Georgia starts to discuss how our body is only a vessel for our Soul. "Everything changes" she says. "Only the Soul remains the same." Yoga practice is a way to clear away the cobwebs so that we can have greater clarity into who we really are.
Living in a city that is as energy consuming as New York and moving at the frenetic pace of my daily life had definitely taken its toll. How could I have lost the most important connection to who I am? But then I realize that it doesn't really matter how it happened. The past is the past. Everything around us does change. How willing am I to change? I do know this for sure. Change is so much easier when you have clarity.
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